Trying To See the Light

I’ve been overwhelmed as of late. It seems as though every direction I turn, there are so many people I know and care for in a battle.  Some fighting for their very lives. Even as I pray, and try to trust the author of it all, my heart has been heavy.

My heart’s been burdened as I seem to see only pain. Even in expressions and countenances of strangers, I imagine the burden that they carry, and the pain that weighs them down. I don’t see peace. I don’t see joy.  I just see pain.

In fact, I was joking with a friend last week that the only blog post I could even entertain writing with my heart in this place would be titled, “Life Sucks, Then You Die.” {That noise you just heard was a collective *gasp* all over Christendom at my lack of faith.}  I don’t really mean it as a lack of faith.  It’s just that I’m getting it now. Life’s hard. Being human in a world full of sin is hard.

So, I’ve been in this strange place of letting the darkness pervade all my thoughts and  infiltrate all that I see, yet knowing that  underneath it all that the only hope is in Christ……….. BUT wanting to SEE it.  I just want to SEE the hope played out. I said to this same friend {in talking about the heaviness of my heart} ‘I just want to SEE some of the goodness.’  I’ve been wanting even just a glimpse of the light amid all of this darkness, to look in at least one direction and be able to say, ‘ah, now THAT’S hopeful.’  Until today, this is the very thing that has been eluding me.

But, God is so good.

He met me this morning exactly where I was.

He didn’t condescend to me, or get angry with me for doubting his Kingship.

It felt almost as if he took His finger, placed it under my chin, tilted it upwards and said to me in a voice absolutely full of wisdom, grace, and love, ‘Sara, if you’re looking for the light, you’re looking in all the wrong places.’

He {of course} spoke none of this audibly.  He came to me how He knows I will almost always hear Him…..through a song.

As soon as this song started playing, I knew exactly how “off” I’ve been. As I watched the video and saw the sheer joy written on every face, I knew that I HAVE been looking for light in all the wrong places. Hope will never truly be found here in this life. While I know that there are nuggets of God’s goodness all around me, sometimes it IS hard to see through all the darkness.

But here’s what we can always know to be true: while life may not always be good, God IS.

If my hope is in life being all good, then I’ve missed the mark. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He is the LIGHT of life.  He is the hope. And He is the reward.

Someday, all this darkness will be gone and we’ll be in the presence of Light like we’ve never known. Now THAT is hope.

XO, Sara

P.S. If you don’t know God through a personal relationship with Jesus and God’s tugging on your heartstrings to find out more, please feel free to contact me anytime.

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Comments

  1. Sara, I am so sorry you have such a heavy heart right now. Even as Christians, we are not promised bright sunny days. And oh how I long for bright sunny days sometimes when so many difficult things surround people I love. I know you already know all of this, but sometimes it helps to have friends who understand. Please know that I will be lifting you up in prayer.
    Love,Elizabeth

  2. you know what? i think the post entitled “Life Sucks, Then You Die.” would be a perfect synopsis of Ecclesiastes. I think we forget (and I say we, because I am included in this) that being christian does not mean rainbows and sunshine and happy times all the time. we are going to doubt, we are going feel dark, we are going to get upset and God is OK with that. He put some dark, upset people in the Bible to remind us. So if you need to write that “life sucks” post, go ahead… it’s Biblical, baby. 🙂

  3. Dear Sara, this echos right where I have been lately too and as you mentioned so many others around me. It is so much easier to see the dark than remember the Light inside of us. Thanks for ‘putting it out there’ and showing us we are not alone. AND for the reminder that we are His beloved and He is ours. Relying on that will truly brighten any day!

    blessings!
    Paula

  4. Love you and been there all too many times.

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