I was just sitting here re-reading “blinking back the tears” and do you know what?
It makes me cry.
And not in the “I’m such a fantastic writer” kind of way. Far from it.
In the “I LOVE that I believe what’s in that post” kind of way.
I believe it with all of my heart.
I know that I know that it’s true.
I LOVE that I am able to tell my kids about His love for them.
Do you know why?
Because it’s what I never knew. Never believed. Didn’t grow up knowing.
I didn’t know I was
HIS. GOD’s own.
Instead, I spent the better part of 30 years “knowing” that I was:
embarrassed………just to be. me.
hurt and hurtful.
feeling big. too big. a fatty. UN-beautiful.
and knowing that I had to appear perfect.
and do things perfect.
and knowing that I wanted to control what people thought about me. knew about me.
so it would be easier to love me. the unlovely.
It was an exhausting, hard, 30 years. Seriously.
But when I started to let the knowledge of His love sink in……….
it was like
……a deep breath of the freshest spring air. An exhale of relief.
…… the most loving embrace.
……drowning in a sea of peace.
……waves of comfort, washing away the hurt, insecurity, shame, pride. Washing them away.
……a master craftsman, gently, systematically razing the walls I’ve constructed around my heart
Life and peace I never knew.
The Peace I sought in all sorts of ways & the Life I kept waiting for….
………to be continued