What I Never Knew

I’m in the middle of a project here. A journey of sorts.  It began here and the first stop was here .

I was just sitting here re-reading “blinking back the tears” and do you know what?

It makes me cry.

And not in the “I’m such a fantastic writer” kind of way. Far from it.

 In the “I LOVE that I believe what’s in that post” kind of way.

I believe it with all of my heart.
I know that I know that it’s true.
I LOVE that I am able to tell my kids about His love for them.

Do you know why?
Especially why?

Because it’s what I never knew. Never believed. Didn’t grow up knowing.

I didn’t know I was

loved.
cherished.
planned.
purposed.
gifted.
thought of.
HIS. GOD’s own.

Instead, I spent the better part of 30 years “knowing” that I was:

hopelessly flawed.
embarrassed………just to be. me.
ashamed.
prideful.
hurt and hurtful.
feeling big. too big. a fatty. UN-beautiful.
unlovely.unlovable.
emotional.

and knowing that I had to appear perfect.
and do things perfect.
and knowing that I wanted to control what people thought about me. knew about me.
 so it would be easier to love me. the unlovely.

Sound tiring?
It was.
It was an exhausting, hard, 30 years. Seriously.

But when I started to let the knowledge of His love sink in……….

it was like

……a deep breath of the freshest spring air. An exhale of relief.
like
…… the most loving embrace.
like
……drowning in a sea of peace.
like
……waves of comfort, washing away the hurt, insecurity, shame, pride. Washing them away.
like
……a master craftsman, gently, systematically razing the walls I’ve constructed around my heart

like
Life and peace I never knew.
The Peace I sought in all sorts of ways & the Life I kept waiting for….

………to be continued

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Comments

  1. Beautiful, You are loved all around kid and by many of us here on earth.

  2. Needed this today.
    ~ Wendy

  3. Perfect music…love that we are “planned and purposed”….. :O)

  4. God is good! May your day be filled with many little blessings and big ones too! Such a great post. I’m a new follower!
    God Bless you! =)
    *~Kara~*

  5. I believe the greatest gift of Mommy-hood is to tell our children every single day how very much they are loved- not only by their ever-flawed parents, but by the unfailing love of God. Nothing. NOTHING we do can change that love. You are beautiful. And you are loved.
    Thanks for this post today- brings me tears.

  6. Beautiful and the truth. Hugs.

  7. Sara, this is a heart-written post. I can feel your emotions and understand it all! God makes all things beautiful!

  8. I “met you” and read this blog earlier today as I waited for my mom to come out of surgery. I just now returned home from what was a long 24 hours out of town and I re-read it again. I also read all the comments from your friends in each of the blogs. You’re an exceptional mom and have an amazing discovery going on in your life. Sharing this with the world allows each of us to reflect on our own lives through what you’ve written. I also have to say you ARE a fantastic writer! Thanks for putting this out for us and good luck on your journey as you follow “him” down the path…..

  9. I think you are one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out!

  10. “Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God. God closes doors NO MAN can open and God OPENS doors NO MAN can close.”

    I’m so glad that God has opened the door to your heart.

    Go relish in it.

  11. What you’ve “learned” and what you “know” now shows in everything you do!

  12. I just sank into your words like a warm blanket, wrapping itself around my soul…reminding me that I am never alone.

    So beautiful…both you AND your words. Can’t help but love you from here.

  13. wow powerful words but you came through it all so well

  14. Lovely post! There is nothing like God’s love for us! In His eyes you are perfect! =)

  15. Wow. I’m so thankful the Lord rescued you from these lies, and set you upon His shoulders.

    YOu are lovable. I love you.

  16. Terry Eng says:

    Sara, continue your journey… you are on the right path!

  17. You are loved and never alone on your journey. Hugs!

  18. I love this….I needed to read this today….you have NO idea….
    Powerful…
    MUAH!
    Luv ya girl !
    Courtney

  19. This is so beautiful, Sara 🙂 It melted my heart!

  20. Beautiful, honest post. Love it.

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