The Great Chocolate Birthday Cake Debacle

Debacle: n. chaotic failure; a sudden diaster, defeat or HUMILIATING failure.

So many of you have been so supportive, and thoughtful, in continuing to ask me how I am doing in achieving my fitness goals and  how my training is going. The training itself is going fine.  The training is never the problem for me, really.  The part that is the most challenging for me is……*drumroll, please* ……….The Diet.

I did not get to weigh 300 pounds just because I like food….

Stressed?—————————-> EAT
Nervous?—————————-> EAT
Happy?——————————> EAT
Sad?———————————> EAT
BORED?—————————–>BY ALL MEANS EAT……..

See the pattern? And since food is not something I can ever completely cut out of my life  & because MUCH of my day revolves around preparing food for my family, I struggle…Morning and noony, noony night….I struggle.  I have by God’s amazing grace overcome many of my food issues, but not all……

The first week after I set my fitness goals I did BETTER than fantastic, with the diet, the training, everything. And then the beginning of the end…

                                               THE CHOCOLATE CAKE DEBACLE

It began innocently enough, with my daughter’s request for my chocolate cake from scratch for her 10th birthday.   Innocently enough, I had a slice, just like everyone else to celebrate her birthday….but I’M NOT everyone else when it comes to food and sweets in particular.  That innocent piece of cake on Wednesday began a downward spiral of eating that at best could be called counterproductive, but more accurately I would call it self destructive… Does the word binge ring any bells?  Wrong meal choices, too much snacking, and oh……how many times did I return to that cake plate for just a nip? (I draw your attention to the pathetically desperate scrape marks on the plate as I tried to scrounge every ounce of crumb & frosting)

Five days of misery and shame over my eating until yesterday when I drew in a deep breath, looked in the bathroom mirror and said, “I forgive you.” I did this because I KNEW that part of why I kept binging was because of the shame and guilt.  But, I need to move on, I have plenty of time, and I WILL accomplish my goal.
Am I speaking anyone’s language out there? Or is this so foreign to you that you think I’m a little crazy ( I’ll help you out here, I’m A LOT crazy :-D)  Or can you translate this into a different area of your life, same cycle, different “issue?” 
p.s. Thanks SO much for stopping, and while you’re here, wanna click on the dumbell and give me a “drink of encouragement? (top, right sidebar) I need as many and as often as you think of it! 😀
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  1. Sara!! LOL…how many times have I done that! The thing I don’t usually do, is forgive myself. I just wallow in the self pity. Good for you!! But isn’t chocolate a food group?

  2. Wow, Sara… I got a chocolate-cake-sized lump in my throat when I read “I drew in a deep breath, looked in the bathroom mirror and said, “I forgive you.” ” Wowzah that hit me in the gut. I’m actually choked up as I’m writing this. I have to let that line sink in for a bit!

    Powerful… so beautifully powerful.

    Thank you for this post. What a blessing.
    Patti (easton_place)

  3. I think you need some chickens :)…Any leftover cake and candy here gets sent their way.

  4. Wow, ummm…I want the recipe for that cake!!! I know, I missed the point. I want that cake. Now.

    To say you forgive yourself is brilliant! I understand the guilt and the well I already screwed up so I might as well keep going down the wide path bit all too well. We need to forgive ourselves for that.

    You can do it, and you are allowed a few goof off days! 🙂

  5. you know, i haven’t hit that number, but i still understand because i’ve hit a number that makes me very uncomfortable. i spent a lot of time hating myself and being depressed, unable to get any motivation to do anything, let alone make the art that i love. i’m currently working my way through ‘insanity’; i tried good ol’ power 90 about 8 years ago (and recall how incredibly annoying tony horton can be – lol) but i wanted to do something different. i fell off for the last week. i ran/walked the komen race for the cure on mother’s day, couldn’t walk down stairs for the next 3 days, and just kept making up excuses for not picking it back up again. i finally started up again today, but i’m still not very good at forgiving myself for my mis-steps. it’s always nice to hear, though, that there are others out there who struggle like me, and it’s good to hear how they work through things. so thanks for your honesty, and i hope that my honesty helps bolster you as yours had done for me.
    blackstone pottery

  6. Oh, Sara, I could have totally wrote that post!!! For me this past week it’s been rice pudding…I know, rice pudding…geez, I’d much rather have that awesome looking chocolate cake! What great advice…forgive yourself and move on…both figuratively and literally!

    For me, it’s both the exercise (I’m lethargic & exhausted all the time) and the food…so, it’s a double whammy! I’d just like to go off to a “fat” farm somewhere and come back thin…no such thing? Oh, well. Good luck to you sweetie! You’re gonna make all your goals! xoxo Beth

  7. Sweetie – thank you for articulating this and making me feel less alone. I eat when I am down, that creates a downward spiral … I’m down so I eat, then I’m down because I’ve eaten …

    My last binge isn’t that long ago – I am working hard to recover from it.

    Why oh why is the universe built so that the lb’s go on so much quicker and easier than they come off ?!!!

    Your language may be foreign to some, but its mother tongue to me!

  8. I totally hear you! I get to a point where I figure “I’m so far gone, just get it over with and finish it off and it won’t be there anymore” then I just wallow in guilt of what I’ve just done.

    I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.

  9. this post spoke so clearly to me! i too am trying to eat a pretty strict diet but whenever i am sad or feeling down I go to Food! if it is in reach and even if I have to leave the house to find it…..

    Thank you for sharing your struggles. I know you can reach your goal and I can reach mine. 🙂

  10. Even after I feel sick at times, I still keep eating and wonder what in the world am I doing. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing what many of us go through….. eat for other reasons. :O)

  11. oh I feel your pain. No, really I do. I can feel that lump of chocolate cake just sitting at the bottom of my stomach like a ton of bricks. And the over whelming feeling of guilt that I didn’t just stop at one bite. YUCK! BUT all you can do is start again today. What is done is done, forgive yourself and move on. You’re still the same great person BC (before cake)

  12. I’m with PaperFlora2 -you can’t change what you’ve already done, but you can change what you do right now. Great job on forgiving yourself and putting a stop to the shame. Plus, the picture of the fork marks is so totally awesome (and I’m sure EVERYONE reading this can relate to it :-D), it was worth the binge just for that. Even if you eat chocolate cake now and then, you can always run today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Nothing is permanent, and it can all be fixed. You’re doing awesome, Sara!

  13. I can totally relate. You are not alone…

    Stand up tall, and move forward.

    That’s the awesome thing…each moment is a new beginning…

    Love who you are Sara. You are beautiful!

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